Do You Trust Me?

Trust means to have assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. I wish it was that easy. I was asked to define trust this past week. I had a difficult time understanding how to build and or have trust in others. The concept for the Universal TEAM Network has a lot to do with trust. Trust is so important that the letter 'T' in 'TEAM' stands for trust. Can we really trust everyone in the universe? If so, how much trust do we give to people and on what level? In the age of social networking, researches on trust amongst people on social networking sites is way up! Unfortunately, trust in the work place has decreased. When the trust in the work place is low, so is a ton of other things. Communication, respect, reliability, and performance/production will be on the down fall when trust is compromised. According to the latest Maritz Research Poll, they found that...

• 25% of participants said they had less trust in management than a year ago.

• 14% believed leaders in their company were ethical and honest.

• 12% reported an employer who genuinely cared about employees.

• 7% thought senior management's words and actions were consistent.

1. Take Your Time- It takes time to build trust in others and for them to have trust in you. Don't get mad if you sense that someone you are in communication with doesn't trust you. Make time to get to know your co-workers, church, and clients. Don't rush others into trusting you. It looks and seems desperate on your part. Don't think your level of trust is determined by how much trust they have in you. Taking a few risks here and there will give people in your life to earn your trust. Your expectations for others is a reflection of your level of trust in them. Let trust grow.

2. Communication is Key-  Try these 3 ideas in your communication with others. 

A. Expand your vocabulary: I don't know. I made a mistake. I was wrong. People trust people who are accountable, who take ownership for their actions and are willing to say they don't know, made a mistake, or were wrong. Trying to justify an inaccurate position, cover up a mistake, fake knowledge, or act like something didn't happen leads nowhere. Trust is built by people who, when they don't know, find out; when they make a mistake fix it, learn from it, and share that learning to help others avoid it. 

B. Listen with undivided attention. Put the phone, tablet, gadget away. We're so busy communicating we fail to communicate. We think because we said something, sent something, posted something it was understood. We confuse communicating with understanding and silence with listening. Real listening requires focused attention and a quiet mind. There are few behaviors more powerful in building trust than receiving someone's focused and undivided attention on what you're saying.

C. Check the facts before sending, telling, or sharing. When information shared by you is consistently credible, factual, and useful, you build trust. Just like there are urban legends, lies and distortions floating around the Internet, there are at work, too. People who don't pass along rumors, half-truths, and speculations, but verify the facts first, are those others trust.

3. Be Reliable- When you are on time and prepared it spells reliability to those around you. I try to arrive 10 to 15 minutes early for every thing. You can't always predict what might slow you down but you can give yourself some cushion in the time department. Cancel appointments asap. It shows that you have considered that others have set aside time and or have made plans that you play a key role in. This will allow them the most amount of time to reschedule or fill your role with someone else. I don't always say yes to people but the ones I do say yes to, I mean it and they know it. 

4. Demonstrating to Others- "Practice what you preach!" This commonly used phrase will help you build true trust with others. Don't hold others to expectations that you wouldn't hold yourself to. A former supervisor I was under once used the phrase, "throw me under the bus and see what happens!". She used her position to impose a false sense of trust more like threats. In the end, she lost my respect and the respect of others. Don't expect others to do what you yourself aren't willing to do. If you have lost the trust of others and want to get it back, set an example. 

Trust is a unique and difficult subject in a world full of people who don't care for others. Let others earn your trust. I recently had a friend tell me that I don't trust people and that I really don't trust my self.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Keep your faith in the Lord! 

Sometimes just being honest and open with others will develop a trusting relationship with them. The Lord plays a key role in this. You may not go to church or think you have a lot of knowledge about God and the bible but you know more than you think you do. You'll never understand why things happen or why people do the things they do but you can decide how you react. Have trust in the facts, don't read between the lines and pre-judge a person or situation. You'll regret it later!

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5 Ways To Handle Your Enemies Before They Handle You

We have all had the occasional run in with people that some would call enemies. The Universal Team concept teaches that everyone in and around your life is on your team. Many people that hear this ask me, "What about your enemies?". For me to say that you'll never have an enemy after you develop the concept of an universal team would be ignorant. You can't live like an ostrich with it's head in the sand. How then can everyone, including your enemies, be "on your team"? Here is 5 ways to handle your enemies before they handle you.

1. Know your enemies. No one got out of bed one day and said that they wanted to make or be an enemy. You see, all of us have been through tough situations and have been wounded. At some point we decided to go to the side lines of life. Instead of returning to the team and the field of life, we retreated into depression, hurt, and socially distant living. Your enemy is not people. The relationship with that team member is hostile. This is due to your wounds and their wounds colliding. The only person you can change is your self. Just let that sink in for a few minutes.

2. Know your allies. Your friends may seem busy but they aren't as busy as you think they are. They are struggling or have struggled with the same things you have. You are truly, not alone. The only difference is your response from their response. Their love, experiences, talents, and resources can save you a lot of heart ache. You need friends who will be in your corner before the trouble comes. You can do that by being in their corner when trouble comes knocking on their door.

3. Know your purpose. Having a purpose is very important to the over all well being of your life. If you don't know who you are then you can't determine your purpose. Once you have determined your purpose, don't forget it. Remind your self daily of your purpose. Write it down and put it in places that you frequent throughout your life. Gage your response to others based on your purpose. It may keep you from having unwanted stress and possibly give you a chance to help others in the process.

4. Know your strengths. Sometimes we can be our best and worst critics. We are never really as bad as we think we are. You'll never know what you are made of until trouble comes. The key is to optimize on what you are sure of. If you are strong in the area of hospitality, then a nice talk over dinner may turn your difficult situation with some one around. Most people don't like confrontation so being open and straight forward, laying down all the guidelines and boundaries may very well be a smart approach. If you don't have a strength in being transparent, then it could back fire on you quick.

5. Know your weaknesses. Honesty is a good policy to have and choosing your battles are important. Sometimes the real person at fault is you. Don't think that you are so good of a person that you will never become a villain to anyone. Today I made at total @$$ of my self in front of my wife and kids. We where leaving church, out of all places, and the whole family was hungry. I didn't really want to eat pizza but everyone else did. Instead of being content with eating pizza, I acted like a total jerk about eating pizza. I'm not saying that 'understanding your weakness' about yourself is a license to have a good excuse. It's not. When I am in need of sleep or food, I am more likely to be irritable and lose track of my emotions. I mostly turn into a total jerk. So when I'm tired and hungry, I try to be quiet and overly nice, but today I lost that battle.

For the most part, we are our own worst enemy. Our life will always give us challenges to face. Don't put one person's face to a challenge. Don't make it personal unless that person is yourself. You can handle challenges you face in a way that will bring you victory but it has got to start in you.

How have you faced the enemy in your life?

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(Photos: Top right: Some Ostrich, 
Middle left: Olympic Weightlifter, 
Bottom left: David Wayne Manning)

Welcome to the TEAM!

Give me 5 minutes of your time and you will have a new and interesting outlook on life. For the past 15 years of my life I have been trying to discover who I really am. After surviving and completing High School and a couple of years in Bible College, I thought I knew exactly who I was and what I was meant to do. I had it all figured out. I met the woman of my dreams and started working as a youth pastor at a local church. Within a few months of that, the woman of my dreams became my wife, and for over the past ten years, she is still the woman of my dreams. Working with young adults wasn't easy on me or my new wife. Then the two greatest humans I have ever set eyes on entered my life! My daughter was born first and then my son a few years later. All my colleagues told me that I was a really good youth pastor and that I was way over due to be doing it full time. You see, the one thing I thought I was meant to do wasn't paying the bills. 

So, I set out to do it for a living and BAAMM! The whole thing blew up in my face. My wife wasn't sure about the move, the pay wasn't that good, and my current church didn't approve. I was blinded by the thought that I was lost. My soul wasn't lost but my life was. I had no direction. I returned to what I was doing last and everything returned to "normal".  Unfortunately I wasn't normal, I was lost. I was trying to find meaning in just about every opportunity that passed my way. In the process, I was ignoring and torturing my wife and kids. Thankfully, I had a caring and understanding wife who put up with my messy life all those years. After several different job attempts, I ended up working as a Correctional Officer. There I sat in prison for 12 hours a day a couple days a week wondering, why and how I ended up so lost. See I was truly blind to what I was truly meant to do. I was desperate. I made desperate choices. Depression set in like a disease and I started to put on the pounds. Even though I was already over weight from poor habits I picked up in college, I was starting to see health problems around every corner in my life. I felt alone and out of control. Those that were in my life at that time knew something was wrong but being the stubborn man I am at times, concealed the truth. The truth was that I was totally lost and felt useless to everyone around me. I started to embrace stereo types to handle this stress. I tried to take up smoking and drinking but nothing seemed to really bring any relief. The Doctors would say it was my health, my stressful job, and the night shift hours. They prescribed a pill for every issue and took my money with a smile. I soon realized that this only numbed the feelings of being lost and without real purpose in my life. My family moved to a near by town and purchased a really nice home. The move meant a lot to my family but to me it meant a fresh start on life. With all these new responsibilities on my plate, I set out to find my self and no one knew it but me. I was determined but I soon felt like I was lost in the woods at night. I knew I was lost but I had chosen to change that. Another one of those mindless opportunities came my way and I just jumped right in. Thinking that this new venture was my new purpose in life, I jumped head first. Unfortunately, like many times before, it fell apart in my lap. It wasn't all my fault nor that bad but it was over for me. It was in this moment that I reconnected with a college friend. 

Roland Kemokia was an extraordinary man who had seen more in his life time than most. Roland was actively helping people all around the world with his story. He was seeing lives changed and I could tell that he knew his purpose in life. I was secretly jealous of him for that. One day he called me up and told me that he had finished his book, "A Diamond In The Rough", and was coming to my state in a few months and wanted to connect with my family. I had told him months earlier that I would organize a opportunity for him to speak in my area when he came through. Well the time had come and he was holding me to my promise. The phone call took a turn to personal matters. After a couple of life changing questions from Roland, I began to see some light in the emotional forest I was lost in. He began to ask me the right questions and demanded answers. He knew I was lost. I keep saying, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do?". Then the real question came, "Do you even know who you really are?". Then it all came clear to me. I didn't know who I was. I was so caught up in trying to "do" something. It never occurred to me that I didn't know who I was. I had never defined myself. After a couple of sessions with Roland, my family could see the changes I was making in my life. I wrote my Life Statement. I put on paper who I am and what I truly wanted to be. I went from being a "reactionary" to being a "revolutionary" within weeks. Roland explained that people go through three stages in life but few get to the third. 

First, we all start our lives being dependent on our mothers and fathers to survive. We are born with a dependent mentality. Then, we figure out that we are capable of doing many things on our own. We become independent. We move out from under mom and dad's roof. We start to make our own decisions. All to often people stop there and make camp. Many build a house and fence around it. A person's visions and ideas, turn into dreams and jokes amongst friends. The final and often forgotten stage in life is living interdependently. Interdependence is the challenge Roland left me with. I finally discovered who I am and now I get this new challenge. It was during this moment in my life I discovered a concept that I believe will impact everyone who adopts it. Here it is plan and simple. Everyone in the universe is on YOUR TEAM! Everyone, even people who don't realize it, is on your team. Not everyone is a team player but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be. I have found that this concept is contagious and life changing. Out of this concept we have started this network. A global group of team players who have set out to be the best team players they can be. Will you join us on this great adventure? Do you really want to live life lost and all alone? The Universal TEAM is waiting for you to get off the bench and get out on the field of life! I'll see you there!